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accept the responsibilities of parenthood. Another example is the adolescent who cannot make the move
into working adulthood. Most of us adapt to new life stages fairly well, however, because we see others
around us who have made the move successfully. We know what to do.

A life crisis is different, however, because it usually hits us unexpectedly and we feel unprepared to
adapt to a set of circumstances that we never thought would happen. A life crisis can occur when there is
a divorce, a financial setback, the loss of a job, the death of a family member or friend (or a pet), a house
fire, a serious accident, an illness (including terminal illnesses), violence (including rape), or a natural disaster. The list seems endless. A life crisis can even occur when a problem we have been sitting on for
years finally comes to the fore – like, “Am I really happy in the work that I do?” Or, “Do I have the chance to express my spiritual life to the degree that I want to?”

 
 

How Do We Define Our “Self”?

Answer a question – “Who are you?”

If you’re like most people, you probably answered first in terms of the work you do. And you may have answered in terms of who you are in your family or other relationships.

If your answer included your work, what do you do when that work is no longer part of your life? What if you lost your job? What if you have a serious illness and are now disabled? What now is your definition of yourself? You may very well feel utterly lost – and in a crisis. If your definition of self includes your work and nothing else, and that work is now gone, you could very well end up in the swirl of a life crisis, feeling that you have no resources for working your way back to a normal life again.

  

 

If you are in a crisis, answer the “who are you?” question – but this time list all of your positive personal qualities. Get down to the core of who you really are. For example, your list might say, “I am caring, a good friend, creative, a hard worker, trustworthy, a good spouse, a parent, kind, fun, a good socializer, quiet at times, a dancer” – and the list can be anything at all that describes who you are.

When you know that you are more – much more – than your narrow definition, the crisis becomes more bearable. You know that you have qualities which give you the strength to endure your crisis and define your new self.

 

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