Bereavement and Loss

The death of a loved one can be the most stressful event in a person’s life.  A wide array of emotions can be experienced, such as sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, and despair.  Changes in sleep patterns and appetite can occur, as well as physical illness.  These are all normal parts of grieving and the feelings can ebb and flow over time.

There is no “right way” and “wrong way” to grieve.  Each person experiences grief in his or her own way, partly based on religious, cultural, social, and personal beliefs and partly based on the relationship with the person who died.

Treatment has four basic phases which typically occur: 

• Numbness and shock – usually occurs in the beginning and last for a brief period.  It is useful in helping people function through the initial fuel time period.
• Feeling of separation – when the feeling of loss or missing the loved one starts to occur.
• Disorganization – time.  When the bereaved is easily distracted and might have difficulty concentrating or may feel restless.
• Reorganization – tour the end of the bereavement.  When the person has begun to adjust to life without the loved one.

It is very important to seek out people who understand your loss.  It may be friends, family, therapists, clergy, or support groups.  It takes a long time to complete the grieving process, so you need to be patient to allow yourself a chance to grief.

How can I help myself?

• Keep a journal – sometimes it is helpful to write down thoughts and feelings.
• Read books on loss – for some, reading about someone else’s experiences with loss can be very helpful.
• Start with an activity which was relaxing – this can help in the beginning to get back to a normal cycle, and it can provide some stability and familiarity.
• Talk about the person who died, if you want to – even though it may be painful, talking about particular memories can be healing.
• If helpful, go to a support group – many people find groups to be a helpful place to talk about their grief.

When should I seek help? 

• If grief is lasting over a year.
• If there is a major change in weight (either lost or gain).
• If suicidal thoughts are occurring.
• If there are continual difficulties with sleeping.
• If there is prolonged emotional stress.

Stay connected to your Health Care providers.  You need to remember to take care of yourself.  You need to contact them right away if you feel like you are very depressed and not getting better or if you are thinking about harming yourself.

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